Another video for everyone's enjoyment/dismay

This is probably the strangest and saddest thing that I have ever seen. Watch it if you feel like laughing a little and maybe being offended a bit.

Satan Interviews for MTV's Next

MTV Producer: Hi, there. Hopefully this will be quick and painless.

Satan: Oh, well, quick and painless, eternal and painful, its all the same to me.

MTV: Um, right. Let’s begin. What is your name?

S: I am Satan, Lord of the underworld, Ruler of lost souls, bringer of pain and suffering to all the black-souled beings who enter my presence.

MTV: Okay…and how old are you?

S: Age is of no consequence while you are burning in the eternal pit of hell! But let’s just say 22.

MTV: 22.And what sort of things do you do for fun Satan?

S: Well, you might say I’m a bit of a pyro. I enjoy engulfing souls with un-quenching fire, sharpening my pitchfork and horns, playing boggle and proclaiming my dominion over all the earth.

MTV: Your horns are indeed pointy. Did you say boggle?

S: Yes, boggle, you insolent lump of meat.

MTV: (readjusting in chair) And what sort of women are you attracted to?

S: The fiery snake of my loins coils in anticipation upon the sight of virgin flesh. Also I like big booty. You know like monster booty? You know? (reaches for high five, is ignored)

MTV: Moving on. Who are some of your favorite pop stars?

S: Paris Hilton

MTV: Really? Paris Hilton?

S: Yes. At least I am obligated to say so, per the bargain we have made.

MTV: One final question: Can you give us your best “next” phrase?

S: OK, here goes: Your rack is a gift from heaven, but your ass is flat as hell, next!

One more Emo Haiku

I have one of my own to add to Dylan's

Live the troglodyte
Lifestyle and find yourself all
alone. In the dark.

Emo Haiku

Sarah's brother's haikus reminded me of some of my own dark 17 syllable cries for help as a high schooler. The highlights:

Wet pulp through a grate
Escaping the rising sun
Into black abyss.

The shaft of false cloud
Tells tall tales to vacant skies
written by a jet.

Ninja blades of grass
Slice sunlight, segmenting rays
Like melted butter.

And my personal emo-riffic favorite:

The foliage drinks -
Sucking marrow from the sun
And a gutted rat.

Gotta Love that Free Speech

Two posts in one night, how ballsy of me. But as you know, I like to try and find crazy ass stuff and share it. Here is a lovely bit of Americanism for you all and the haiku (I love those damn things) that was inspired by said video.




"Evil always wins. Peace
follows victory not words."
-Rush Limbaugh: douchebag

Notes from Failed Bank Robberies

These are several failed robbery attempts by several different nefarious criminals all of whom went straight to jail and were raped or made into slaves, forever regretting their poor life decisions and lack of weight lifting in high school.

(failed attempt 1)

You,
Don’t be a hero, I have gun. I have to be honest; it’s not a real gun, its one of those ones that shoots little plastic pellets. But I went to this other store my friend Hank “six toes” told me about where they sell metal ones, so I’m pretty sure they would really sting. A lot. So, you know, give me the money now or prepare for some serious bruising.

(failed attempt 2)

Place all of the cash from your till into this bag and you won’t get hurt. Also, is it possible instead of some of the tens I get a roll of quarters? Oh and possible some of those little sleeves they go in? I just bought this awesome coin sorter off an infomercial the other night but you have to buy the sleevey things separate. Oh yeah and throw those pens in there too. I love the gel ones. Do you have any gum? I’m trying to quit smoking, it just seems like a dangerous habit you know?

(failed attempt 3)

Hey Stacy, it’s me Chuck, you know from high school? I sat behind you in Mrs. Slauberg’s typing class. Well it’s great to see you again, could I have all the money? Thanks!
Yours,
Bank Robber(Chuck)
PS You look great. Call me sometime (321-Rich) get it? Because I just became wealthy. Call me, or just hit me up on myspace.com/robbindahood

(failed attempt 4)

Hey, what rhymes with snorkel? Give me all the money, bitch, that’s what! Booya, I got you so good. You should have seen your face.

(failed attempt 5)

This is soooooooooo embarrassing, but like, can I have all the money in the bank. Don’t be fooled my totally slamming body, I’m a cold hard bitch. Oh wow, just like that song! (Starts singing) Don’t you just love it?!

(failed attempt 6)

Is that security guards gun loaded? Really? No way. I don’t believe you. So just for fun, let’s play a little prank on him. I’m gonna hold this gun to your face and you act all like you are giving me the money and stuff and we’ll just see what happens. But seriously I am robbing you. So I hope you are wrong about the whole “it’s a real gun and he’ll kill you thing.”

(failed attempt 7)

Hi there, would be inappropriate to ask, instead of for the money in my account only, for the entire monetary sum of the vault? Is that what you all call it? The VAULT? It sounds so intimidating. Not like you, with your plunging neckline and the way your delicate fingers depress that bright red security button. Are those bars over the door real steel? Wow. Color me impressed!

(failed attempt 8)

(Bank robber Runs out the door with bag of money. Elderly Woman approaches)Hello there dearie. I was just wondering if I might be able to get a copy of those surveillance tapes. That was my grandson Jeffery’s first hold up and I am just so proud. You know how grandparents are. We hoped he would be a big football star, but he just said all he ever wanted to do was intimidate people with a midsized firearm. It seemed strange at the time, but we thought he was just being “cute.” Want to see pictures of him potty training?

The Logomachist Return

Well, after doing a bit of only research to see about different possibilities for titles (and also to see if Yoshi might be suffering from some strange and incurable disorder) I decided to reinstate The Logomachist as the title, with a new subtitle from the Devil's Dictionary. Although, I am still open to serious suggestions for a new title - if any of us have the ability to be serious.