Satan Interviews for MTV's Next

MTV Producer: Hi, there. Hopefully this will be quick and painless.

Satan: Oh, well, quick and painless, eternal and painful, its all the same to me.

MTV: Um, right. Let’s begin. What is your name?

S: I am Satan, Lord of the underworld, Ruler of lost souls, bringer of pain and suffering to all the black-souled beings who enter my presence.

MTV: Okay…and how old are you?

S: Age is of no consequence while you are burning in the eternal pit of hell! But let’s just say 22.

MTV: 22.And what sort of things do you do for fun Satan?

S: Well, you might say I’m a bit of a pyro. I enjoy engulfing souls with un-quenching fire, sharpening my pitchfork and horns, playing boggle and proclaiming my dominion over all the earth.

MTV: Your horns are indeed pointy. Did you say boggle?

S: Yes, boggle, you insolent lump of meat.

MTV: (readjusting in chair) And what sort of women are you attracted to?

S: The fiery snake of my loins coils in anticipation upon the sight of virgin flesh. Also I like big booty. You know like monster booty? You know? (reaches for high five, is ignored)

MTV: Moving on. Who are some of your favorite pop stars?

S: Paris Hilton

MTV: Really? Paris Hilton?

S: Yes. At least I am obligated to say so, per the bargain we have made.

MTV: One final question: Can you give us your best “next” phrase?

S: OK, here goes: Your rack is a gift from heaven, but your ass is flat as hell, next!