Signs of the Apocalypse: Sign the 1st
As we all know, the apocalypse is nearing. It's not a question of if it's coming or even when it's coming, but of who gets into the heavenly VIP room with such greats as Martin Luther, Mother Teresa, and Strom Thurman.
With that in mind, I bring you Sign the First that the apocalypse is nigh:
Mathmatical Incompetence.
I was renting a U-haul the other day to prepare for my move to heaven (remember, it's nigh, and I gots a-heaven-of-a-lot of material possesions that I plan on bringing) when I overheard the following conversation, which is paraphrased in order to protect the innocent - and my crappy memory:
Customer: "What's bigger: the 6x12 trailer or the 14 foot truck?"
Employee: "I don't know. Let me check."
Needless to say, I pulled my spleen from trying to hold in a vicious laugh that would've certainly kept me off God's VIP list, or at least forced Him to take away my heavenly U-haul privileges.
This, coupled with the recent news that half of all Washington State WASL testers can't pass the math section of the exam, creates a two-headed hellhound of shameful arithmetical ignorance in this country. I call it "Spot." But I don't feed Spot, because I want that ignorant beast to die.
Unfortunately, it's looking more and more like Spot will visit us soon. The mark of this beast will be spread around the world, and it will look something like this:
12>14?
4 comments:
i can't wait for sign the 2nd. might I suggest "misuse of language," "inability to use turn signals," "reappearance of dragons," "inability to exit an airplane in a civilized manner" or maybe just like a "plauge or two."
The options truly are endless. It'd be tough to run out of ideas on this one, which is in itself probably a sign.
Please--for our salvation's sake-- get this published in the Stranger.
How would I go about doing that Yosh? I checked the site, but I wasn't sure who to email.
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